Breaking Down Permanence
I’ve been feeling the doom of Permanence. Today I took some time to examine that feeling in my art journal. It’s listed as a noun, a state of enduring. Enduring? That sounds like a positive attribute to me. But when I hear “Permanence” in my mind during depression, it doesn’t sound positive. It sounds like doom. Like being stuck. Unchanging. Never getting better. There is a Very Real Fear of never feeling better. But when I look at the data (I’ve only been logging moods for a few weeks, yet recognize patterns over the course of years) I see that I’m always changing. And isn’t the world? If there is one truth, isn’t it that everything is always changing? We’re falling through an expanding space, where stars are being born and burning out. We’re spinning. We’re growing older, learning new things. Our bodies are tangible evidence. Our skin is wrinkling or breaking out or both, if you’re me. The arrow of time moves obviously forward.
My personal data shows I’m cycling. The nature of life reveals a lack of stasis.
The truth is, Permanence is a lie.