February, Perched

At 8 o’clock in the morning, I finally leave my bed. My feet hit cold tile, and I curse this part of Winter, and this house, with not a shred of carpet. I remind myself to stash some pennies away, somehow, and I dream of area rugs.

I stand in the kitchen, grinding coffee beans, and gazing out the window. Snow has blanketed my world. I smile, feeling only one side of my mouth rise. I picture the way my family women are captured in photos. I am growing older, and certain genes have held out on their expression until very recently.

As I inch toward 36, I feel I’m just beginning. I recall my mother at 36- academic, professional, and striking out on her own. I, however, am drawn to the domestic, and sometimes I feel all wrong.

I bring my coffee back to bed. I’ve made it extra strong, and added maple syrup, because, Snow Day. I take up my pink pen, and ponder today’s writing prompt, 8 o’clock. I check the time. It is 8:20. Close enough.

The final day of January brings reflection. Was it not a busy month? There was much to be done, and I did. In my journal, I list my January writing, hikes, reading, drawing, playing, working, and investing. I make note of the letters I sent, the shopping I did, and the connections I made.

“I read and saw and did lovely things this month. I feel nearly balanced between consuming and producing. Progress is quite visible.”

Perhaps my family women drop half their smiles, not from loss of joy, but from a sense of conservation. The days of big-mouth laughter are not gone, rather, there is a quiet knowledge of needing to keep a little back, for ourselves.

The last swig of coffee is a cold one, with grit. I lay my pen down and open the laptop. While here on my blog, I contemplate February. If January is a month of intention, February is one of action. The plans pile up in my brain, and I’ve forgotten to label them. The chaos will continue, despite my desire for order. Life is less planned steps, and more a flinging forward. I’ve skated along the edge of the New Year for 31 days. It’s time to let go.

February, Perched by SoAngieWrites.com

12 Replies to “February, Perched”

  1. As I read your post, I find myself smiling…on one side, and I realize that I never noticed that before. Once again, you have captured parts of me with your insight and words. You are the person I was never free to be. Embrace it, accept it, love it! And move onward!

    1. Your words make me smile, and yep, up goes the right side of my mouth! Do you smile with your left side, as you write with your left hand? Let me know! I’m curious! <3

  2. This is a comforting post like a snuggly blanket on a crisp & sunny winter’s afternoon.

    Also the way you said, “because, Snow Day” reminds me of a recent hashtag during a snowstorm. Trending in my city was #snowchips. I wonder if perhaps another storm #snowcoffee might be fun to see blowing around. 🙂

  3. i’m not big on the whole january thing, choosing a word, making resolutions…i like to spend january thinking and reflecting, quietly in anticipation of february which is the month to put it all into practice.

    1. I did choose a word, and formed a little FB group for others like me, but the whole resolution thing- patooey! January has been ripe with intention here, and I hope February gives birth to action. I’m ready!

    1. That’s a validating point, Jane. Thank you. I do have action plans for February, but it is important to apply self-compassion in case I don’t live up to my standards! Which is often! XO

  4. This is a very snuggle-in-bed-and-listen-to-you-talk kind of post. Not that I’ve done that before, but that’s what it FEELS like. <3

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