At 8 o’clock in the morning, I finally leave my bed. My feet hit cold tile, and I curse this part of Winter, and this house, with not a shred of carpet. I remind myself to stash some pennies away, somehow, and I dream of area rugs.
I stand in the kitchen, grinding coffee beans, and gazing out the window. Snow has blanketed my world. I smile, feeling only one side of my mouth rise. I picture the way my family women are captured in photos. I am growing older, and certain genes have held out on their expression until very recently.
As I inch toward 36, I feel I’m just beginning. I recall my mother at 36- academic, professional, and striking out on her own. I, however, am drawn to the domestic, and sometimes I feel all wrong.
I bring my coffee back to bed. I’ve made it extra strong, and added maple syrup, because, Snow Day. I take up my pink pen, and ponder today’s writing prompt, 8 o’clock. I check the time. It is 8:20. Close enough.
The final day of January brings reflection. Was it not a busy month? There was much to be done, and I did. In my journal, I list my January writing, hikes, reading, drawing, playing, working, and investing. I make note of the letters I sent, the shopping I did, and the connections I made.
“I read and saw and did lovely things this month. I feel nearly balanced between consuming and producing. Progress is quite visible.”
Perhaps my family women drop half their smiles, not from loss of joy, but from a sense of conservation. The days of big-mouth laughter are not gone, rather, there is a quiet knowledge of needing to keep a little back, for ourselves.
The last swig of coffee is a cold one, with grit. I lay my pen down and open the laptop. While here on my blog, I contemplate February. If January is a month of intention, February is one of action. The plans pile up in my brain, and I’ve forgotten to label them. The chaos will continue, despite my desire for order. Life is less planned steps, and more a flinging forward. I’ve skated along the edge of the New Year for 31 days. It’s time to let go.