So Angie Writes – Life's A Challenge, So Angie Writes!

So Angie Writes – Life's A Challenge, So Angie Writes!

Trauma Recovery – Shame Resilience – Self-Compassion – Coping With Chronic Pain

Comparison – Eyes On My Own Lane

May 10, 2014 | 4 Comments

As Mother’s Day approaches, I get a little tense. The cultural messages are strong. There should be flowers, breakfast in bed, heart jewelry, pampering, and some sort of glossy life-overlay, including smiles and rested eyeballs. Reality is a bit more complex. Some people have lost mothers or children. Some never knew them at all. Even for those like me, a mother with a mother, there can be difficult feelings.

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Comparison is all about conformity and competition. When we compare, we want to see who or what is best out of a specific collection of “alike” things. -Brené Brown in The Gifts Of Imperfection

Holidays like Mother’s Day are a good time to re-center my focus on my values. Our consumerism culture spotlights perfectionism. In the age of social media, when it is so easy to filter our projections, we all Facebook our Sunday best. In no time at all we take our eyes off our own lives to see what everyone else is doing (and doing better!) as we compare our ordinary to everyone else’s highlights reel.

Comparison can lead to envy, resentment, and disconnection. One way I protect myself from comparison is to take time away from social media sites. If I do check in, I stay in my mentions and filtered lists. It is one thing to talk to close friends and family, and know what they’re up to. It’s another thing to see post after post after post during holidays, which can be emotionally taxing.

Letting go of comparison is not a to-do list time. For most of us, it's something that requires constant awareness. It's so easy to take our eyes off our path to check out what others are doing and if they're ahed or behind us. -Brené Brown in The Gifts Of Imperfection

Letting go of comparison is not a to-do list item. For most of us, it’s something that requires constant awareness. It’s so easy to take our eyes off our path to check out what others are doing and if they’re ahead or behind us. -Brené Brown in The Gifts Of Imperfection

There is no shame in experiencing the difficult emotions that can occur with comparison. Everyone looks around, then back at themselves, and sometimes feels a little “ugh.” Thankfully,  gratitude is a practice that can bring us all peace. When I stay in my own lane, with my eyes focused only on those nearest and dearest, I can find contentment and joy, settled mindfully into my everyday moments.

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4 people are talking about “Comparison – Eyes On My Own Lane

  1. Beautifully said, Angie, and very much to the point. For those of us of introspective nature shame is the constant monkey on our back. I really ought to be doing as much or as well as so and so is doing, as well as I might have done had I chosen different paths along the way.

    Gratitude is a big part of the answer. So, thank you, Angie.

    Steve

  2. Wow, do I hear you, honey. Being grateful is the answer, but it sure isn’t always easy. I love that you work so hard on it. You and your family are the better for the quality time you spend on special moments. I am proud of your growth. <3

    • Angie

      I find gratitude practice takes work, and am really somewhat stunned when I feel it as a spontaneous emotion! I would like more of that, but understand the ground work required, too. Darnit! Thank you for your words here. <3

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