So Angie Writes – Life's A Challenge, So Angie Writes!

So Angie Writes – Life's A Challenge, So Angie Writes!

Trauma Recovery – Shame Resilience – Self-Compassion – Coping With Chronic Pain

The Known Suffering- Why I Resist Self-Compassion

August 26, 2014 | 5 Comments

The Known Suffering - Why I Resist Self-Compassion by #shame #recovery #selfcompassion

It can feel daunting to learn a task so far from your habitual way of living that it seems otherworldly. That’s how self-compassion feels. Otherworldly. But I have to ask, these years of self-loathing… where have they gotten me? Has cutting myself up and down helped? Has berating beautified me? Or have I broken myself to the point that the only thing left is to try something altogether different? That’s how self-compassion feels. Altogether different. And though I’ve seen research showing it works, and have read books and taken classes on self-compassion, it is still a practice I resist.

I cling to self-loathing because it’s a comfortable and known suffering. It’s easy for me, like zipping a jacket. It’s a frequently used and deeply ingrained skill. And it doesn’t skip town. It’s a reliable go-to response to stress. Self-loathing is so consistent it doesn’t require thought. But what I’ve found is self-loathing is simply shame. And shame is no motivator. Shame, the broken record of self-destructive noise, serves only to keep me stuck. And alone.

Speaking compassionately to myself without snarling, and taking care of a body I despise, these are the tasks at hand. I’ve read all I can on the topic. The practice has me falling on my face. But I keep trying. I can learn new things, and I am resilient as hell.

Further reading:
What is self-compassion?
Test how self-compassionate you are.

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5 people are talking about “The Known Suffering- Why I Resist Self-Compassion

  1. It takes such courage to speak openly, and I am sure that those who read your posts appreciate your honesty. If you help only yourself, that is enough, but if others say, “me, too,” that is a bonus! I also love that you attach links to more information. <3

  2. I’m so glad Brandie virtually introduced us, I love the way your write and the honesty with which you write.

    For me, self-loathing is a comfortable safety blanket. I’m often self-depricating so I can beat you to the punch of not liking me. It’s easier to just not like myself and just put it out there that I’m unlikable rather than wait for/hope for someone to like me.

    • Angie

      I have read that this way of shielding ourselves from potential disconnection by self-deprecating actually keeps us from the very connection we fear losing if we mess up. We work to make the uncertain certain. Ah it’s all so tricky! Know you’re not alone.

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