So Angie Writes – Life's A Challenge, So Angie Writes!

So Angie Writes – Life's A Challenge, So Angie Writes!

Trauma Recovery – Shame Resilience – Self-Compassion – Coping With Chronic Pain

Writing The Monsters

September 30, 2014 | 8 Comments

I’ve gone quiet
It’s become too scary to take the stopper out
There are creatures inside and beside
I tried, but now I hide

Writing the monsters is
Sighting the monsters and
Flighting from monsters
Seems best

Tree silhouette
Struggling to share my voice these days. I want to write about things that matter, to me, to you. I want to own my story, but seem stuck doing the difficult work of reclaiming it first. Some of my story seems dangerous to write. Some of it too painful to look upon. Most days I begin posts only to delete them and walk away from the laptop in tears. Many days I don’t get that far. I’m unsure of the path forward. I’m trying to just write. Just write! It’s what I’d tell anyone in this situation. Just write! Advice slips easily from the tongue, yet my story is caught like a bone in my throat. Painfully lodged. What now? Just choke? Just gasp? I guess I’ll just gasp along, keeping this space free of dust, and ready for poignant words to become loose.

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8 people are talking about “Writing The Monsters

  1. Hugs to you, Angie. I was able to write much of my hardest story out–in a clear, straightforward way–in Montana. I could really sense that I needed to get far away from everybody I knew, far away from home, to do that, and I’m really lucky I had that opportunity. I couldn’t do it at home, everything felt too close and heavy. Once I came back I was able to write more, and eventually I felt I’d relieved what I needed to. And all of this was private; I shared some writing at the writing retreat but not with anybody from my life in person and nothing online. It was enough to write it.

    I hope you find a way to the path that will work for you. First and foremost the writing is for you.

    xo

    • Angie

      Thank you, Amy. I love that you went to that retreat. I am glad it was a healthy time of growth for you. I think I’ll look into something like that! Will you be going again?

      I wrote privately tonight about some of the difficult things. I do want to someday share about these things, but I know it’s not the right time or place, here and now. I want to write the hard stuff in my journal, and still share something here, but just the act of writing seems to bring on anxiety and pain right now. I hope to find a better place. I’m working hard at EMDR. Thank you for your words of encouragement. XO

  2. By telling us that you are stumbling and can’t seem to share, you are sharing. I hurt for you. I have been there. I am still there. Don’t stop trying. Stop doubting. You are an amazing writer and your voice will return. <3

    • Angie

      Thank you so much. I will keep trying. I wrote privately tonight. I am working through my junior high assault in therapy and it has been hard to write about that, even privately, but tonight I did, then I came here to write this. Just giving names to traumas, just writing the words, makes them more real, and that is scary when I’ve been running so long. It’s a tedious process, healing, but I really can’t stop now. The only way through is through. Thank you for traveling with me. <3

  3. I was listening to a talk by Ann Hood tonight and she says we must write the thing we fear most. You are on the path my friend.
    Well done.

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