The Shame of Failed Relationships
C.G. Jung said, “knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”
When things go awry in relationships, I turn inward, letting shame envelop me.
“I always mess up.”
“I don’t understand myself.”
“I am all wrong.”
As I seek healing, I strive to find other points of view and positive reframes.
It’s true that I mess up. I’m human, after all. Being aware of this, I prove I know myself. As for being all wrong? Unlikely. I am imperfect, but I am enough. In every way I strike out, or in, there’s a past experience giving insight to my behavior.
There are things in myself I may not see. The same goes for those around me. We try our best, but years of trauma and pain have applied filters to our eyes and built walls around our hearts.
I’m working on sitting back and breathing. I watch my shadows tussle. I’m learning about myself. My raw heart. My desire to please others. My fear of not belonging.
As I fling myself through life, I’m going to trip. I’m going to be hurt. And I’m going to hurt others. The world will keep spinning.
Since all of that is inevitable, I may as well get on my own side, resist the call of shame, and lean into the practice of self-compassion.